| fading away into the sky |
[Mar. 5th, 2005|12:25 am] |
Its become clear to me over the past few days exactly what I have gotten myself into. I have dug myself an early grave and I never even knew it till it smacked me accross the face today when I got a call telling me Ive been turned down the last job in this shithole town. I need a job to get a car, and I need a car to get a job. We live smack dab in the middle of bumfuck nowhere... MILES AND MILES away from any civilixation out in the woods. Busses dont come here and there is nothing in walking distance. I have no family left, my brothers, thanx to heroin might as well have dropped off the face of the earth and my dad is so far away its not even funny. This fucking shithole town has sucked every last penny from my pockets and left me high up over my head in debt. Theres nobody here to even be friends with... if I were to have a car and drive into town, theres nothing but geriatrics anyways. But that wont happen. Nothing is exactly whats going to happen to me. This town has a nickname so Ive heard, "hell". Ive come to descover that it will be my demise. I should have known. the second I set foot in this shithole things started going wrong.
Have you ever been to the zoo? And looked at the animals that have been captured from the wild? You can see it in their eyes... you see capure, you see sadness and you see that theyve givin up completley, they know theyre going to spend the rest of their natural lives in a fucking cage and theres nothing they can do about it. well, thats how I feel rite now. so yeah.. its become very clear to me that there is nothing left for me. Ill sit here and slowly watch myself rott away and burn out into noghintness. One day Ill die and nobody will care. Nobody will even notice or think twice. I fucking hate it here... with a passion. Ive tryed everything there is and then some. I fucking give up... do you hear me I said You won.. I fucking give up. Ive tryed and tryed and im sick of trying. I give up.. I give in. Have your way with me.. cause im fucking done. im done for... |
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| nihilist |
[Mar. 3rd, 2005|06:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
I am not a stranger, I am not something to throw around, I am not harsh! I am soft, I am plush, squeeze me, cuddle me hug me love me, MARRY ME. hold me tight, you never know when I might walk out and leave for good, Love comes with happiness and happiness with love... I am in love, I am happy i am the chewy center thay you count the licks to get to. Coveted so close to the heart, ill make you warm, ill hold you up, ill be there for you.. ill be the blanket keeping you warm in the coldest of nights. just say the word and ill be by your side... always changing and neverending... I am the epitomy of a walking contradiction, because truthfully, I am a fucking nihilist. I dont actually give a shit. But im always there... to care for you. |
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